How non-signing deaf people adapt..

 Coping strategies

Several different coping strategies are linked to difficult listening situations. Strategies are sometimes described specifically as addressing fatigue and effort,  Many of us mentally or physically avoid or withdraw from difficult listening or communication situations, or need to plan and prepare for listening tasks. Most commonly around our work and social situations.

Mental or emotional withdrawal

A strategy of mental withdrawal is often utilised in order to deal with experienced fatigue and effort. In conversational situations, particularly group conversations, we would stop engaging in listening. This was usually described as a response to the situation being “not worth it” or 'pointless'. Sometimes this is accompanied by nodding along so as to appear engaged in the proceedings. We are NOT being deliberately rude.

Physical withdrawal

Occasionally we just remove ourselves from challenging situations, rather than just 'switching off'.  This tends to be due to a decision that the conversation was not really viable, particularly in noisy group environments. We can make toilet requests, need to make a phone call, really anything that allows us to retire from what is going on. We have been known to just run!

Avoiding events or situations

As well as withdrawing from some situations, we can also pre-emptively avoid events due to expected problems resulting from hearing issues/stress's. Avoidance is a strategy that we tend to introduce ahead of time. A dilemma between our dislike for challenging situations and a wish to maintain a social life or not offend people.

Avoiding interaction with others

Some decisions are taken to deliberately not engage with others when they were already in a social situation. Usually this is at group events such as restaurant meals or weddings where there are multiple potential conversational options with a decision already having been made to attend. It would then be decided that to avoid negative effects such as increased fatigue or embarrassment, certain people would not be engaged with.

Evaluating situational demand

We can use many detailed and different ways in which to plan ahead of time to mitigate challenging listening situations. we don't do 'spontaneous' unless we feel very brave!  This means identifying what location to go to, who was going to be there, and whether or not the effort is worth it.. Planning, in general, can then be interpreted as additional effort rather than as a coping strategy, however, planning is an essential  way to avoid negative outcomes rather than being a negative outcome in itself. 

Planning where to sit

A specific but common example of planning deemed necessary, was deciding where to sit. Where to position ourselves so we can see faces and improve audibility. There’s a lot of thought that goes into it before; i.e. before I meet the person and attend the venue, I scan the tables, surroundings for the best place to sit, least stressful person to sit next to! I'd arrive early to ensure I maximised the potential to engage.

 Preparing for work/responsibilities

I’d prepare well in advance and build on names, who is there, what their position was etc. If you can only sit far away from the main participation, don't go, or at least ensure people are aware why you don't want a back seat.  I would do a lot of preparation that other people wouldn’t do in order to help myself, and minimise any potential stress points.  I always assume inclusion  is not a given, or an issue could prevent it, so I  make sure first.